Do you ever sing along to a song but don't really know all the words, so for years and years you kind of just sing your own version? "Hold Me Closer Tony Danza" isn't a song people.
Anyhow, for the years I grew up watching The Princess Bride - and before there was internet - I just kind of glossed over parts of Andre the Giant's lines in the script. There are plenty of quotable quotes from Fezzik ("Anybody want a peanut?" and "I only dog paddle" being prime examples of short and sweet lines that are burned into my heart forever), but maybe they're so memorable because, aside from being hilarious, they're some of the easiest lines to understand through Andre's think French accent. In the '80s, it was easy to miss many of Fezzik's words, but now thanks to this "internet," we can finally take solace in knowing the real lines. And that it's Tiny Dancer.
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Inigo: That Vizzini, he can fuss. Fezzik: Fuss, fuss...I think he like to scream... at us. Inigo: Probably he means no harm. Fezzik: He's really very short on... charm. Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme. Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time. Vizzini: Enough of that! Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead? Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead! Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it! Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
======
[Scene: Climbing the Cliffs. Inigo, Vizzini and Buttercup are
clinging to
Fezzik, as he climbs a rope to the top]
Inigo: He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us.
Vizzini: Inconceivable! [pause] FASTER!
Fezzik: I thought I was going faster.
Vizzini: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COLOSSUS, YOU WERE THIS
GREAT LEGENDARY THING, AND YET HE GAINS!
Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's got only
himself.
Vizzini: I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES! I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO
FIND MYSELF A NEW GIANT, THAT'S ALL.
Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please?
Vizzini: DID I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOUR JOB IS AT STAKE? ======
[Scene: At the top. Fezzik, Vizzini and Inigo are looking down at
the masked man climbing the cliff after Vizzini has cut the rope]
Fezzik: He's got very good arms.
Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!
Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means
what you think it means. [pause] My God! He's
climbing!
Vizzini: Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the
princess and must therefore die. You, carry her.
We'll head straight for the Gilder frontier. Catch
up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the
sword.
Inigo: I'm going to do him left-handed.
Vizzini: YOU KNOW WHAT A HURRY WE'RE IN!
Inigo: Is is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my
right, over too quickly.
Vizzini: Oh, have it your way.
Fezzik: You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.
Vizzini: I'M WAITING!
[Vizzini, Fezzik and Buttercup depart the Ruins,
leaving Inigo to prepair for the masked man]======
[Scene: Halfway up a hill, nearby boulders. Vizzini sees the
black figure of Roberts moving towards them]
Vizzini: INCONCEIVABLE! Give her to me. Catch up with us
quickly.
Fezzik: What do I do?
Vizzini: FINISH HIM, FINISH HIM! YOUR WAY!
Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you, Vizzini.
[Fezzik pauses, thinking]
Which way's my way?
Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder.
In a few minutes the man in black will come running
around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT
IT WITH THE ROCK!!
Fezzik: My way's not very sportsmanlike.
[Roberts approaches the boulders, then slows down.
A rock disintegrates itself just in front of him]
Fezzik: I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
I believe you. [pause] So what happens now?
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended...sportmanlike. No
tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down
my sword and we'll try and kill each other like
civilized people?
Fezzik: I could kill you now.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor
at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the
strongest. I don't even exercise.
[Roberts puts down the sword, and begins to pummel
Fezzik,
to no effect]
Dread Pirate Roberts:
Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for
people to die embarrassed.
[Roberts dodges swipes from Fezzik]
You're quick.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
And a good thing, too.
Fezzik: Why are you wearing a mask? Were you burned by acid
or something like that?
Dread Pirate Roberts:
Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable. I
think everyone'll be wearing them in the future.
Fezzik: I just figured why you give me so much trouble.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
Why's that, do you think?
Fezzik: Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long.
I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for
local charities, that kind of thing.
Dread Pirate Roberts:
Why should that make such a < strained > difference?
Fezzik: Well, you see, you use different moves when you're
fighting half a dozen people than when you only have
to be worried about ... one.
[Fezzik drops unconscious to the ground]
Dread Pirate Roberts:
I do not envy you the headache you will have when you
awake. But, in the meantime, rest well, and dream of
large women.
Hope that helps a bit.
Major compliments go out to http://hirsutehistory.com/, the originator of the Andre hair image above. They've got a giant line of amazing t-shirt images featuring historical hair. Go check it out.
